I got chris browned last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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