Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
