In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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