He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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