the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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