Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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