I wish I could punch you in the face.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
