please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
