I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
