Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
