drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
