my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize