the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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