You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
