Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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