I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
