Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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