Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she woke up with a sticky ear
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
