i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
