Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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