He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
