I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
