i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
