FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think i got beer on your cat.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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