how can u be prego again
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
