omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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