I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want nice things and good sex
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
