So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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