sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
