don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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