hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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