Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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