2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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