smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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