Pants 0. Shit 1.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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