im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
