I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize