woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My bed smells like the plague
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
