wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
