Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
