Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
