My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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