I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
