I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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