11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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