he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
