Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
