i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So much rum. So many feels.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
