your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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