If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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