Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
