you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Blood and glitter go together right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
