someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
