there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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