she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize