Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im holly from the hills drunk
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
