Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
