Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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