dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
