She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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