halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
