So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
