And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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