My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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