the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
