so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
