she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
