What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
