I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
