dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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