I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
