Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
