Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This baby is an asshole
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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